This is the L O N G version of Chloe’s birth story.
Chloe Isabella Martin- 10.26.10
The beginning of this story really goes back to before I was even pregnant. It all started about a year before Chloe was born when I read Peggy Vincent’s “Baby Catcher: Chronicles of a Modern Midwife,” which is an amazing book, so fun to read and I totally recommend it. I was fascinated with the stories of these home births and began reading anything about pregnancy and natural childbirth that I could get my hands on. I even dreamed about what it would be like to go to Midwifery school someday. When I found out I was pregnant a few months later, I wanted a home birth, or at least the option of going to a birthing center. However, as I began researching the options that our insurance covered, I was devastated to find out that birthing at home or at The Best Start Birth Center in San Diego was not an option for us unless we wanted to pay for it out of pocket. Not going to happen for two newlyweds just out of college. So I resigned myself to a hospital birth but was determined to do it my way.
We did everything we could to prepare. I started seeing a nurse midwife who worked under a doctor in my OB group in hopes that this would make it more possible to have the birth I wanted. Phil and I took Bradley Method childbirth classes to equip us with the tools for a natural hospital birth. I continued to read, talk to friends, watch movies/documentaries and research online. I read a whole book of natural birth stories to fill my mind with the positive, empowering experiences of these women. There were stories of women who birthed at home, unassisted, and other women who experienced peaceful, serene water births. We hired a doula (a type of labor coach) to support us in labor, we wrote out a detailed birth plan, and we packed our bags for the hospital with all sorts of “labor goodies” (lavender essential oil for relaxation, snacks to stay energized, lotions for massages). Relaxation techniques, visualizations, and prayers filled my mind. I really wasn’t afraid of the pain, and I reminded myself that this was something God had created my body to do. With His help, I could handle it. He would not give me too much.
As my due date approached, I reached that point of “I hate being pregnant, please get this child out of my body and into my arms.” I had occasional Braxton Hicks and wondered when it would finally be the real thing. The Friday before Chloe was born, I was in tears just longing to meet my daughter. I poured out my heart to the Lord and asked Him to please, please bring her into my arms soon. I walked about 10 laps around our apartment complex in hopes of getting things going. I felt like it was going to happen soon, and even experienced what felt like some real contractions while I was walking. Phil and I enjoyed what would be our last childless weekend together- an afternoon exploring the coastal towns and a stop at the beach, lunch at In-N-Out, and errands. I told Phil that I felt like things were slowly starting and that I wanted my midwife to sweep my membranes at my appointment the next day. This is a simple procedure that involves gently detaching the amniotic sac from the wall of the uterus, near the cervix, and may have some ability to speed up labor if it is already beginning, although there are differing opinions on this. Phil asked me if I was sure about this, as it was not part of our birth plan, but said he would let me make the final decision.
Sunday night I had a terrible time sleeping, which was a pretty normal occurrence at the end of my pregnancy. I got maybe 4 hours of sleep that night and started feeling really nauseous around 5am. I then threw up my whole In-N-Out meal from the day before. Wonderful. I’m 9 months pregnant and now I have the flu, I thought. I continued to throw up that morning and couldn’t even keep water down. Thankfully, I had my 39 week appointment with my midwife that morning and thankfully, Phil had been planning to come with me. When my midwife heard that I had been throwing up, she told me she thought I was in the early stages of labor and asked if she could sweep my membranes if I was dilated enough. I was definitely ready to get things going by this point so I said yes. She did the procedure and told me I was about 3cm dilated and 80% effaced. It sounded like I was definitely in the beginning of labor and my midwife even thought baby Chloe would make an appearance sometime that night!
We headed home after that and I tried to sleep and relax as much as possible while Phil worked from home for a few hours. The doula we had hired was out of town so we had been in touch with her back-up doula, Rosie, to let her know what was going on. I tried to eat as much as I could to keep my energy up and Phil and I walked around some. I started having cramping shortly after my appointment (common after sweeping of the membranes) and this seemed to transition to inconsistent contractions pretty quickly, probably by around 11am. By the late afternoon, around 3 or 4, things seemed to become more intense and we asked Rosie to come over. At this point, the timing of everything became pretty blurred together, but I continued to labor at home with Phil and Rosie by my side until about 7pm. By then, the contractions were only a few minutes apart, lasting for 45-60 seconds, and everything we had learned and read said this is when it’s time to go to the hospital. We were also somewhat concerned because I hadn’t been feeling Chloe move, so we decided to head to the hospital.
Right when we were leaving for the hospital, Rosie reminded me not to get discouraged if I wasn’t as far along as I thought I would be. “It’s just a number,” she said. “You could be at 7cm right now and go back to 5cm by the time we get to the hospital.” This somewhat prepared me, but I was definitely still discouraged to learn that I was still only about 3cm dilated and 80% effaced when they checked me at the hospital. How is that possible?! I had been laboring at home all day and had followed all the “rules” of when to go to the hospital. But my contractions had definitely slowed down on the car ride over, so we decided to keep walking since they wouldn’t check me in yet. My mom was now with us as well (she had flown down from San Francisco when I told her I was definitely in labor and a friend had driven her to the hospital) so we began walking the halls. My contractions seemed to pick up again and they decided to check me in after all, probably after seeing me go through several intense contractions in the hallway. I got all checked in, assigned to a room, and signed all the paperwork. They told me they would check me again in 4 hours so we just walked and walked and walked. Since I wasn’t on any meds, I didn’t have to be on the fetal monitor consistently but was allowed to be up for 40 minutes at a time followed by 20 minutes on the monitor. So that became our routine. We must have walked miles in that hospital during those 40 minute intervals. I would lean against Phil through a contraction, or lean on the wall and he would massage my lower back. After each contraction my mom would offer me a sip of water. Rosie kept encouraging us and suggesting new methods of relaxing, breathing, or moving through contractions. My support people were such an awesome team, and Phil was absolutely amazing!
The next time I got checked (around11:30pm) I was at about 5cm and almost fully effaced. Back to walking we went. I also got in the shower and the warm water felt wonderful. Being in bed while on the fetal monitor was the worst part for me, as I couldn’t just move and work through a contraction the way my body was telling me to. I also hated seeing the contractions on the monitor and it made them feel much worse and much longer as I saw the intensity build. Through it all, our nurses were so amazing and they honored my wishes to stay active in labor. One nurse, Pam, even held the monitor on my belly for 20 minutes so I could be on the birth ball instead of in the bed!
In the early morning of the 26th the exhaustion of it all started to kick in. I kept wondering if I was even progressing and started questioning if I could really do this. I can’t remember if I was checked once or twice more after this, but eventually I did get to 9cm. I had a slight lip that was preventing full dilation but I realized how close I was and became encouraged. The final preparations in the hospital room took place, and the nurse asked us to stay close to the room since everyone thought I was getting so close to delivery. This all made it seem so real and like it was going to happen any minute! I kept laboring patiently and walking but my water just did not want to break! Hours passed and I was stuck there at 9cm. After having been at the same point for about 4 hours, I started wondering about having the doctor break my water (another thing that we said on our birth plan we didn’t want!). My midwife happened to be at the hospital for a meeting and saw my name on the room so she stopped by right when I was considering this. I asked her what she thought and her initial response was, “I’m a midwife; I don’t break waters.” Then Rosie told her that I had been at 9cm for 4 hours and her demeanor changed. She did a quick, “unofficial” check and told me that I was at 9.9cm with a slight lip and that at this point she would recommend breaking my water. This helped me make my decision even though it was something I had initially not wanted, the doctor came in shortly after and broke my water sometime around 9-10am.
After this point I started feeling like pushing. The feeling built gradually and at first I wasn’t sure how I would know that I was supposed to push, but it definitely got to the point where I knew! Pam was our nurse for the last bit of the labor and the delivery, and she was great at encouraging me in my pushing. Rosie was also amazing as she would look me straight in the eye during contractions, causing me to focus on her as I pushed. Phil and my mom were by my side holding my hands, making sure I stayed hydrated, and encouraging me. They took turns resting and I was also able to doze off some between contractions. I pushed FOREVER. I thought that once I started pushing that would be the easy part. But I pushed for over 4 hours (after being at 9cm for another four hours before that!). I kept changing positions up in hopes of speeding up my labor but it was slow going. My body was so exhausted from getting only about 4 hours of sleep in the last 48 hours, and my pushes were quickly losing strength. Once I reached the 4 hour mark I was beat. Pam was still being incredibly patient and letting me take the time I needed. No one ever said anything about needing to use drugs to speed things up, which was one of my biggest fears. They let me take my time, work with my body, and were there to support me. Thankfully, Chloe’s heart rate had been fine the entire time as well so there was no need for concern.
After almost 36 hours of labor, I reached the point where I felt like I was at the end of what I was able to do. I made the difficult decision to ask the doctor to come in and help. I knew this would mean using a vacuum. I hate the word “vacuum.” It’s a small suction cup that the doctor attaches to the part of the baby’s head that is already showing and then using the suction the doctor helps pull the baby out as the woman pushes. Once the doctor came in it all happened super quick. They had me on oxygen because they were worried about meconium in the water (which can indicate a baby in distress) and I was having a hard time hearing anyone because it was so loud and there was just so much going on. Avoiding a vacuum assisted delivery had specifically been in our birth plan, but I had reached the point where I didn’t feel like I could push for much longer. With the vacuum, Chloe was born in just a few more pushes. I had wanted to have her immediately placed on my stomach and begin breastfeeding (with the umbilical cord still attached until it stopped pulsating) but because of the worry about the meconium, they had to make sure she was ok before I could hold her. They kept her in the room with me, and Phil was able to stand by her and hold her little hand until she could be brought to me. Just a few minutes after her birth I was finally able to hold my little girl. It was such a crazy mix of emotions and a big part of me just felt overwhelmed from all that was going on in the room, the intensity of birthing a child, and pure exhaustion. It almost seemed surreal! My mom and Phil were crying, but I just felt so amazed that she was actually in my arms! Chloe was born at 2:45pm on Tuesday, October 26th. She was 8 lbs, 6 oz and 20.5 inches long and she was (and is!) absolutely perfect.
We asked right away to have a lactation consultant come by, and she was able to help me get off to a good start with breastfeeding. We were in the hospital until Thursday morning, and the same lactation consultant came by a few times every day to help us out and answer questions for us, which was a huge blessing. Breastfeeding was something both Chloe and I had to learn how to do, but thanks to the great start and the support we have had, it has been relatively easy.
So did I have a natural birth? This was a question I struggled with in the days after Chloe was born. I wanted a natural birth so badly, but could I really say that I had one? Things occurred that weren’t in our birth plan and weren’t “natural” (sweeping of membranes, breaking my water, a vacuum assisted delivery) and they were things we had specifically NOT wanted. However, I have decided to make my birth experience a positive one. I could look back on my labor with regret but instead I choose to be thankful. I can look back on my experience and say that it was truly empowering. I was the one who made all the decisions in my labor and for that I am truly thankful. And while things did not go as I expected, I know that I trusted my body and I made the choices I felt were right. That doesn’t mean I don’t wish things that certain aspects had gone differently, but I am still able to look back with joy on one of the most profound, intense, and empowering experiences of my life. There is nothing like bringing a child into the world! I am proud of the way I handled over 36 hours of labor and did it unmedicated. The Lord gave me the strength and the grace I needed. He poured out his blessings on me: the blessing of Phil and the way he supported me and coached me through my labor, the blessing of my mom being there and her help around the house and with Chloe as we adjusted to being parents, the blessing of our doula Rosie and her constant encouragement, and the blessing of amazing hospital staff that respected us and allowed us the birth we wanted. We were and are truly blessed.
Now, two months after the fact, I am able to look back on my thoughts and expectations leading up to Chloe’s birth. To be honest, there was a point when I was terrified of a hospital birth. I was terrified that I would be pressured into making hasty decisions and I was terrified that the birth experience I wanted would be taken from me without my consent. In all my reading and research about natural childbirth, I think I ended up with somewhat of a fear of anything deemed “unnatural” because I was so set on being able to say I had a natural birth. I don’t think fear is ever a good thing and it’s not from the Lord. Yes, I want to be educated and make the best decisions I can for both my baby and myself and yes, I do think that the model of care in hospitals is often far from ideal in terms of unnecessary interventions, but I don’t think fear is the correct response. Labors hardly ever go as planned and birth requires some degree of flexibility. Perhaps being “firmly flexible” is the ideal. Firm in that you have your plan and your research in place, but flexible in that there must be an openness to the unexpected and a willingness to gracefully accept it. I am a very plan-driven type of person, and it has truly been God’s grace that has allowed me to accept my labor that was not “perfect” and did not follow my “plan” and instead see the beauty in it…the birth of a precious little girl. I was also very scared by the idea of a long labor but I didn’t think that applied to me as I was convinced that because my mom had relatively short labors, so would I. Wishful thinking, I guess. When someone hears of a 36 hour labor, they most often offer their sympathy or react with disbelief. Yes, it was a long labor and I was exhausted but just as I reminded myself during my pregnancy, it was not more than I could handle. I did make it through, with God’s help, and at the end I had the most amazing gift ever.
That’s my story. My labor and birth experience was nothing like I expected, but that seems to be about the only thing that most women have in common! Will I do it again? In the first sleep deprived weeks after Chloe’s birth while the intensity of my labor was still fresh in my mind and my body was still recovering, it was hard for me to imagine! But now both Phil and I have reached the point where we’re excited for our next child! We’re definitely not planning on it right away, but when it does happen it will be another incredible gift from the Lord. And I’m sure my next experience in childbirth will be completely different, just to keep things interesting! =)
Doing the "love dance" through a contraction.
Getting checked in to our room at the hospital.
Walking the halls.
Best labor coach ever. =)
Phil meeting his daughter for the first time.
Chloe ADORES her daddy.
Holding Chloe for the first time.
Becca and Abbey (new aunts!) were at the hospital to meet Chloe shortly after she was born.
Grandma Kim
